You guys didn’t know I had a brother, did you?
The air is warm, the snow is melting, and I’m having some what of a fit because BD and JR can’t seem to walk 7 blocks in 20 minutes. I’ve been standing on the corner of 4th and Hennepin for what seems to be nothing short of way too fucking long. To buy drugs? No, not this time. As I stand and check my watch. Look down the street. Check the watch. Look down the street. I can’t help but notice the middle aged man, who should be wearing; shorts, socks with sandals and a fanny pack, but isn’t. He is across the street trying to explain to an SUV why they’re not in St. Paul anymore. Check the watch. In what I can only imagine ended in, “Minneapolis? What the Fuck.” From a semi lucid passenger in the backseat, who didn’t want to leave his hotel in the first place. Look down the street. As the SUV speeds off down the BUS ONLY lane without so much as a casual thanks to the middle aged man, around the corner come the cops. Well, their day just got a whole lot worse. Check the watch. As I’m about to point and laugh, the cops take a quick right and leave the lost and illiterate travelers to their own devices. Look down the street. Standing has become uncomfortable, and after the amount of time that has passed it begins to look like I’m actually looking for drugs. To my left is a fancy new bus shelter that has been built into the new library. The metal benches offer an alternative to standing, but one can only imagine that their shaded surfaces will be all but pleasant on the ace. Luckily there’s a small ledge along the outside that seems as happy to be in the sun as I am. As I sit down, I do a: check the watch – look down the street combo. Like those crackheads from Dave Chappelle’s old stand up, (Dave…I’m gonna race ’em.) Out pops a drunken towny. He stumbles toward me with his hand out as if someone is pulling him toward me by the wrist with an invisible rope. “You gotta smoke man?” I’m guessing at this point he has some change in his hand, but don’t really care, because I have nothing to offer in trade for it. I let him know this and he stops. He takes a couple akward steps towards me, stops again, and says in a rather irritated manner, “Welllum…you just put your hat on.” Since I didn’t want to continue the conversation, I didn’t ask whether or not he was actually talking to me. In hindsight I should have, because he sat down and started talking anyway. Check the watch. Look down the street. Now, he has barely sat down when a rather plus-sized woman, sporting K-Mart’s Full & Purple line, graces our field of vision. Walking the same way as this stink of a drunk came from – in tow are two little ones glowing with spring fever and haven’t missed a puddle since they left the house. “Nadeen! Git out of that water!” drawls our lady in purple. For a moment I’ve forgotten about drunky mcboozy to my left – until he started mumbling again, “Plague of society, with…fat..ugh.” Check watch. As I stand up, I give him a “peace out,” and head into the library. I need to find BD and JR (who, by all means should be here by now) that I just heard a drunk bum call a homely fat chick “A plauge on society.” HA!